Alright.

As of late, i have come to certain realizations on my life. Some i will share. Some I won't. Simply because I know who reads this, and not everyone who does is worthy enough to know my secrets. :)

I made a list tonight of the things I am grateful for, and put it next to my computer. I think too often I take things for granted. We all do. And perhaps because it was September 11th, or simply the way I have been feeling the last few days...I felt I should remind myself that there are things in my life that simply are, and I never asked for. I might not even deserve these things or people, but they are there. And they mean something to me, even if I might not acknowledge it every day, or as often as I should.

Among other things, God, my family, Matt, my friends, my general health, and my writing made the list.

These are the only ones I am comfortable sharing with the public. They are self-explanatory, except the last one.

I am grateful I have my writing, because without it, I would be lost. My writing is where I can get lost in myself, and confide my darkest secrets without even knowing it. Something about words can heal me, and make me forget that I ever knew what physical pain is. Give me a pen and paper, and I can write emotion and forget my own.

If I ever lost my ability to write, I would be helpless. How would I communicate my thoughts? I am somewhat articulate, but it is only through written word that I feel understood. Otherwise I don't by most. Only a select few I feel understand me. They should know who they are...

Anyway, I have been thinking about this the last few days as I have been reviewing my work on my computer. There is a lot there...but how much have I actually shown? There is a lot on this blog, if you go back and look. But in thinking these last few days, I realized that i should be sharing it more than I do.

Sharing my writing is like showing you the most intimate part of myself. Granted...most of you barely know me, so you should feel honored that i let you read. :) I have a hard time showing anyone my work. I was nervous when Vicky was in here a week ago going through my portfolio. I have never felt so open and vulnerable in all my life.

But, if someday i DO want to be published, i need to be able to share that part of myself. So I'll start here, and post things.

This is an excerpt from my novel-the one I wrote last November. This scene hasn't been posted before, so it may seem kind of random. It is. I will gradually overcome my fear...I hope. Anyway, here you go....

The warm flannel comforted our backs as we sprawled out on the grass in my backyard. My hand was in his, warmed by his skin. The stars were circling and their light comforted me. He traced small circles around my skin, raising tingles on its surface. His fingers found the simple ring he had given me and they enclosed it gently.

“Has your mom said anything to you about this?”

“No, why would she?”

“I don’t know. Maybe because it’s a ring?” I could tell he was smiling because of his tone and I grinned back.

“So? Is that a big deal?” he rolled over on top of me and I could see the starlight reflecting in the depths of his eyes.

“You better be joking.” He grinned and I felt his fingers dig into my side. Shrieking, I tickled him back. We rolled over and over on the blanket and into the grass, our laughter soaring upwards over our heads and into the sky. I heard the back door open.

“Madeline! Be quiet! People are trying to sleep!” We suppressed our giggles until the door closed, her voice echoing in the space between the houses.

Relaxing, I lay on his chest and traced circles on it with his chest, my fingers running up and down.

“Guess what I’m spelling.” I traced fingers lightly onto his chest, careful to make them clear and distinct. I watched him as a smile grew.

“I love you too Maddie.” I leaned down and kissed him, tasting the starlight on his lips.